Tag Archives: love marriage

Gyan , Fears , Dreams and life :)

19 Mar

You get Gyan from all sources , everyone (no matter how imperfect their lives are )has a perfect suggestion / advise for your life. and so One day I get to hear this ” Don’t be too stubborn and lose what you could have had in life “

I took me few minutes to absorb it and it was such a statement that I can interpret in many ways . we were talking about how he is getting married because he has to and in contrast how I was adamant I prefer to be single than with someone I don’t love and share a certain level of connectivity. I have nothing against the way he or any body else choose to direct their life , but in an attempt to justify our own action how fair it is to find fault with other people’s life . And everyone around advocating ” there is nothing like a fairy tale relationship”, in the end life is an adjustment .

Its been couple of weeks and I am still stuck on that line .

very next day, over a G-talk chat Minni popped a question ” whats your Worst fear?”
I smiled and instantly I knew my worst fear is to live a life others want me to live and start believing that this what I wanted from life. To some extend we do tend to get influenced by the ideas and people we come across , and if you hear something too many times it does leave a mark somewhere in the mind and your sub-conscious starts accepting it. I don’t want a tug of war between my mind and heart.

we both discussed at length how we dread being trapped in a marriage / situation where we can’t fulfill our dreams , where we are stuck in a routine.And then I talked to few other friends , they share the same fear of being stuck up with someone they don’t want to spend life with or not able to do what they dream of because they have to leave all dreams aside in the process of settling down.

Then DG asked me a question , for which I don’t have a clear answer ” what you really want in your life”.
I can write pages of things in general but what is the direction of my life is not something I am sure of .
I think we have been thinking too much about what we don’t want and not concentrating on what we want from life. Its time to know what I really want and then plan how I am going to get it .

How many of us really know what we want from life ???

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Good Girl Gone Bad

12 Jan

I never believed in a ‘good girl’ ‘bad girl’ tag, but she did and strived hard to be a good girl all the time; very conscious of her image and how others should talk/ think about her. We often had discussions about it and she came strongly about the Image part while I always maintained “I don’t really care “. I remember about 2 year ago while we were on the same topic she said “Does that bother me? NO” but “Does it matter to me? Yes “, and today I hear the same girl say” They are anyways going to call you a bitch, so don’t bother about it and it doesn’t matter anymore”.
And on that we both are wondering..Is she a good girl gone Bad?
If you ask me she just started living life the way she wanted to and not the way she is expected to. A change that many around us are going through and which is commonly termed as being ”westernized” or “too liberal”  It’s a state when you do things the way you want to and have no guilt or regret associated with it. It’s not easy, you are reminded time and again that you have no values, no respect for our age-old culture; you are made to feel guilty at many points.
So what is the crime that made her a Bad Girl?
She has graduated from a follower to a thinker .she is taking control of her life in all the ways she can.
She choose to work for a company she wants to in a city she loves, at a pay she think she deserve and not for a company that she has to pick because she could be near family at a pay they offer .She absolutely loves her family, but she don’t believe that in any ways this small distance is going to change her love for the family. She doesn’t like being supervised every day.
She chooses to wear what she likes, be it a casual Kurtis with pinned up neck or her miniskirts. She refuses to be advised every time she steps out of the house.
She wants to date instead of marrying anyone with degrees and Greencard..At 28 ..What the hell is she thinking? She just wants to have fun, and she totally refuses to define her “FUN”. I didn’t expect much from her till yesterday but then I think she is ready to surprise me. Or to be precise she is ready to surprise herself.
She wants to plan her holidays on her own, where she selects location, budget and time and the people she wants to accompany.
We are slowly coming out if the manipulative trap of selective freedom that comes with additional burden of responsibility of being a good girl. Sadly, while being a Bad boy is cool, being a bad girl is just plain Bad. At the same time it’s so much fun to see a friend calling herself “ good girl gone bad” ..I can almost hear her giggle over it , and I for one am smiling at the transition.
Welcome to the club honey …

Over a cup of coffee I listened to the complex life of another friend who saved herself from being a bad girl ( marrying a guy of other religion) and going for arrange marriage.  She has been dating this guy from last 3 years , she herself cannot find a flaw in the relationship except that its too perfect. In spite of them being of different religions and belonging to different parts of India (yes , south india- north india divide is still there )their families were ok with the marriage.After the guy met the girl’s family , girl is not ready for this! she said she is not ready to go ahead with the inter-religion thing .  she honestly told the guy about her feelings and is now considering arranged marriage . she has even started chatting / talking to a potential groom .

On the one hand she is taking a wise decision and is being a good girl following the traditional way .But can you imagine the reaction this would have gathered had this been done by a guy.After you let your girlfriend of 3 years meet your parents, you suddenly don’t feel like going ahead . I know of at least 10 such cases and all the hatred these guys have attracted by ‘ditching’ the girlfriend after talking marriage.That guy would definitely be termed a Bad boy. She has all the rights to say no if she feels so but does that make her a Bad girl !!