Red Wall Relationships

What colors you like on the walls and what kind of romantic relationships you like ??

Do you like to be safe and want your partner to merge with your life , like beige or pale blue , it  adds nothing neither does it takes nothing away from your regular life most of the time , it just gels with other things and become part of your life.

Or  do you like rich browns, Maroons  and Royal blues , that add richness ( status , money , intellect  etc)to your life . You might have to change your whole life and things around it . It’s just the kind of relationship where you start telling your parents , friends and siblings to behave up to the standards of your partner .Nothing and No one you knew before were as good as the person and you want everyone to change just to be compatible with the person.

Or do you like Red Wall relationships ..which will be striking , on your face relationship .It won’t gel with anything you have and you cannot change things to go with it . It will stand their sometimes beautiful , some time loud , always odd  .You will never be sure about it , that’s why you tried only one wall and not whole room .Most of the times  it stays just that one wall all your life which you don’t want to change .  You let it stand out. After a point you stop expecting it to merge with anything . You sometimes think why you ever had it in first place . Even after years of its existence only few close people know that you have that red wall in your life .

I am sure there are other colors of relationships but I find Red wall quite interesting !!

 

Zindagi Na Millegi Dobara

Everyone is going gaga over this movie. Teenagers are busy making Pacts similar to the protagonists of the movie, old friends calling their friends and planning to catch up soon. Everyone is talking, tweeting, FBing  ZNMD. I liked the movie, just was not bowled over by it. But it definitely made me think, and hence this post.

What I liked about it.

1. Life is how you live today, it’s not a perfect future plan and it certainly not about a bad past experience.
2. If you have your friends around you, you can sail through any situation.
3. Leave your work at office when you are on holiday. ( or you might end up with a Chinese pink phone )
4. Say sorry when you mean it.
5. Marry when you want to and with whom you want to. If you are not ready, you are not ready.
6. All the men don’t indulge in mindless sex on their bachelor parties.

What made me think?

1. Will we be having a movie on bachelorette trip soon? 

That too to a place that’s actually fun and not show women just shopping and dressing up.
How many women travel alone and with friends, plan international holidays without asking 10 people.  How many of you can pack your bags and leave like that .forget the possessive bf/ husband , do they really want to do that , do they have money for it , do they think it will be fun.

2 . If girls go out on a trip and the oh so possessive fiancée turns up there because he thought she is  having an affair with a handsome  trainer  , will she be able to shooo him away , and can the girl friends get away with  calling him “ Bastard “ ( equivalent of bitch ). 

What I quite not like about it:

1. Stereotyping women as jealous, clingy, career oriented only till they get married, fashionable bimbos.

Kalki’s character was all in one.

    2.    Making  fun of that gorgeous bag 

DG explains Desi women’s friendships in her post: http://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/2010/08/02/633/

 And also discusses how we don’t even have handful of movies, serials that showcase Desi women’s  friendship.

Gyan , Fears , Dreams and life :)

You get Gyan from all sources , everyone (no matter how imperfect their lives are )has a perfect suggestion / advise for your life. and so One day I get to hear this ” Don’t be too stubborn and lose what you could have had in life “

I took me few minutes to absorb it and it was such a statement that I can interpret in many ways . we were talking about how he is getting married because he has to and in contrast how I was adamant I prefer to be single than with someone I don’t love and share a certain level of connectivity. I have nothing against the way he or any body else choose to direct their life , but in an attempt to justify our own action how fair it is to find fault with other people’s life . And everyone around advocating ” there is nothing like a fairy tale relationship”, in the end life is an adjustment .

Its been couple of weeks and I am still stuck on that line .

very next day, over a G-talk chat Minni popped a question ” whats your Worst fear?”
I smiled and instantly I knew my worst fear is to live a life others want me to live and start believing that this what I wanted from life. To some extend we do tend to get influenced by the ideas and people we come across , and if you hear something too many times it does leave a mark somewhere in the mind and your sub-conscious starts accepting it. I don’t want a tug of war between my mind and heart.

we both discussed at length how we dread being trapped in a marriage / situation where we can’t fulfill our dreams , where we are stuck in a routine.And then I talked to few other friends , they share the same fear of being stuck up with someone they don’t want to spend life with or not able to do what they dream of because they have to leave all dreams aside in the process of settling down.

Then DG asked me a question , for which I don’t have a clear answer ” what you really want in your life”.
I can write pages of things in general but what is the direction of my life is not something I am sure of .
I think we have been thinking too much about what we don’t want and not concentrating on what we want from life. Its time to know what I really want and then plan how I am going to get it .

How many of us really know what we want from life ???

Random Valentine Thoughts

 wishing a  Happy Valentine  day to everyone !!

This day is special , for it celebrates love ..and though I am always vocal about my feelings,this day I do take time out and call / sms/ mail / ping all the people whom I love and who are a part of my life in a beautiful way. This is the day to celebrate all the love that I have received and fail to acknowledge all year through , for we never know how to thank mom for being there all the time or to appreciate our best friend whom we can call even at 4 am .

I feel blessed when I count  the number of  people with whom I exchanged Valentine greetings today …God has been kind.

I dressed up for the day , got flowers , chocolates , wishes and partied with friends . Then why by the end of the day when I saw the red balloons and  hearts and couples walking hand in hand , I felt a little something in my stomach. Is Valentine incomplete till You celebrate it with the ONE you love? And why we value a BF/ gf / partner more than everyone else in life on such a day . Even when this person was not part of my life last year and may not be part of my life next year , why all I could think of this valentine is him.

How do we actually define this love that makes one person the centre of our existence.

P and S finally broke up after 8 years of abusive relationship.Apparently he moved on and she is not getting the message. she packed him 7 gifts (thoughtful) for each day of the Valentine week and sent it to him. He did not even open the parcel for two days, did not even said a courtesy thanks . she cried for two days and today when i called her to wish on Valentines ,she was happy after talking to him for few minutes . I somehow could understand and spared her my usual lecture today.

I always believed in celebrating V day with all the small things , balloons , cards , chocos , red roses , new dress and a cozy dinner .. today I wanted more than that , I wanted to be with that person with whom all these things had some meaning . I am restless at the end of the day

I Love u R for that lovely walk today evening , S for the message in the mid night , mom and dad for being perfect Valentine couple all these years , and J for being my constant valentine over the last 15 years .

I loved this Valentine postcard .. and with it wish my blog friends ( specially spikey and DG ) a life full of love and Happiness.

Good Girl Gone Bad

I never believed in a ‘good girl’ ‘bad girl’ tag, but she did and strived hard to be a good girl all the time; very conscious of her image and how others should talk/ think about her. We often had discussions about it and she came strongly about the Image part while I always maintained “I don’t really care “. I remember about 2 year ago while we were on the same topic she said “Does that bother me? NO” but “Does it matter to me? Yes “, and today I hear the same girl say” They are anyways going to call you a bitch, so don’t bother about it and it doesn’t matter anymore”.
And on that we both are wondering..Is she a good girl gone Bad?
If you ask me she just started living life the way she wanted to and not the way she is expected to. A change that many around us are going through and which is commonly termed as being ”westernized” or “too liberal”  It’s a state when you do things the way you want to and have no guilt or regret associated with it. It’s not easy, you are reminded time and again that you have no values, no respect for our age-old culture; you are made to feel guilty at many points.
So what is the crime that made her a Bad Girl?
She has graduated from a follower to a thinker .she is taking control of her life in all the ways she can.
She choose to work for a company she wants to in a city she loves, at a pay she think she deserve and not for a company that she has to pick because she could be near family at a pay they offer .She absolutely loves her family, but she don’t believe that in any ways this small distance is going to change her love for the family. She doesn’t like being supervised every day.
She chooses to wear what she likes, be it a casual Kurtis with pinned up neck or her miniskirts. She refuses to be advised every time she steps out of the house.
She wants to date instead of marrying anyone with degrees and Greencard..At 28 ..What the hell is she thinking? She just wants to have fun, and she totally refuses to define her “FUN”. I didn’t expect much from her till yesterday but then I think she is ready to surprise me. Or to be precise she is ready to surprise herself.
She wants to plan her holidays on her own, where she selects location, budget and time and the people she wants to accompany.
We are slowly coming out if the manipulative trap of selective freedom that comes with additional burden of responsibility of being a good girl. Sadly, while being a Bad boy is cool, being a bad girl is just plain Bad. At the same time it’s so much fun to see a friend calling herself “ good girl gone bad” ..I can almost hear her giggle over it , and I for one am smiling at the transition.
Welcome to the club honey …

Over a cup of coffee I listened to the complex life of another friend who saved herself from being a bad girl ( marrying a guy of other religion) and going for arrange marriage.  She has been dating this guy from last 3 years , she herself cannot find a flaw in the relationship except that its too perfect. In spite of them being of different religions and belonging to different parts of India (yes , south india- north india divide is still there )their families were ok with the marriage.After the guy met the girl’s family , girl is not ready for this! she said she is not ready to go ahead with the inter-religion thing .  she honestly told the guy about her feelings and is now considering arranged marriage . she has even started chatting / talking to a potential groom .

On the one hand she is taking a wise decision and is being a good girl following the traditional way .But can you imagine the reaction this would have gathered had this been done by a guy.After you let your girlfriend of 3 years meet your parents, you suddenly don’t feel like going ahead . I know of at least 10 such cases and all the hatred these guys have attracted by ‘ditching’ the girlfriend after talking marriage.That guy would definitely be termed a Bad boy. She has all the rights to say no if she feels so but does that make her a Bad girl !! 

 

Moving on !!

As a year comes to an end, so begins another. It makes me think can we ever move on to another, if we are still stuck up in the previous one.

I remember last year I promised myself to break the old strings and find new love. I wanted to move on. I absolutely loved my single life but I still felt that a part of me was in the past. Out of nowhere I felt that uneasiness and yearn for love. Random dating is not my scene and I knew I would not get out of past if I don’t fall in love again. I thought I would never be able to move on..and so I did fell in love again.

A fell in love with I knowing too well that it will be another heartbreak, for both of them. They knew that their love had a shelf life of few months. They keep on reminding each other that this is craziness and they are no teenagers but then to love and be wise exceeds man’s might. Now I is engaged to someone else and A wants to move on like they talked about all these months. But then why they end up calling each other defying all the logic and feels more miserable after that. Why it is so hard to move on even when they talked about it and break up was supposed to be amiable.

P ,one of the closest person in my life, is in love with S from last 8 years. I have been with her through her 100 break ups in those years, with the same man. They cheated on each other, yelled, abused, mis-behaved with each other’s friends, involved parents and friends in their dirty affair and still hanged on. I won’t call it love, but then why they become miserable each time they separate. They have innumerable options around to have fun , even to fall in love and today P asked me 100^th time “ Di why I can’t get over him, I want to move on , but I can’t “ .  Will she be struggling herself till she finds another love?  Why is being happy without X is always synonymous with being happy with Y.

Why we reach to a point in a relationship where we become so helpless, we can’t stay in, we can’t move out. When we see another friend in the same situation, we have all the perfect suggestions to make, but when we find ourselves in the same shit, we don’t know how to get out. We do get out of situation after certain time and with the help of friends like J and a new brand love.

It took me almost three years and I thought I will never move on, but I know that I have finally when last week I could see his name on the screen and feel nothing. No pain, no happiness, I can smile on his silly status message and even ping to say hello. While I moved on from past, I am stuck with a present that I have to get rid of in future .Mess I know, love it is.

When someone breakup, it’s suggested to throw away all the things, burn the cards, even avoid the old restaurants and walk ways where you walked hand in hand.  Does that help…Not really!! I let the things lie around and one day when I finally move on, I wonder why they are still around and throw them. Maybe then there is certain short dress in animal prints that I won’t  throw away even if the man who gave me that is no longer in my life

When we say move on, do we really mean move on to someone / something else? may be till we meet the one with whom we like to stay still forever.

Wish you a very Happy new year ….. and this is for the lovers !

 You must remember this
A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh.
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by.

And when two lovers woo
They still say, “I love you.”
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by.

About the Blog

welcome !!

Sex and the city fascinated me when I started watching it some 8 years ago. As a small town girl in her early twenties , I loved the characters , the friendship women shared and the relationships they had . I got the whole 8 seasons pack few weeks back and every time I see an episode I can relate with something .There is no longer that fascination of an unknown world , it all seems to be a part of my world . It makes me think , relate , discuss and conclude and I always have something to say about it . This blog is not just about sex but about sex ,relationships , friendships , breakups and shopping and much more … and its about the life in the big bad indian cities . It’s about men and women I know , I interact with and observe around me .

Delhi , Mumbai , Bangalore ..they are no Manhattan , but I know of women who love shoes as much as Carie, have sex as often as Samantha, dream about a perfect marriage as Charlotte and are as succesful as Miranda. I know of men as perfectly imperfect as Big . I know of women who share everything from their last crush to the last orgasm(or lack of it ). I know of people who are single and are questioned about it every time, and who still love being single and value love and relationships . I know of numerous unhappy marriages and even unhappily extra marital affairs ..there is love and heartbreak all around us .

My posts will be as random as my thoughts  …I would love to have opinions ,view and welcome discussions about my posts and at the same time I will reserve the right to delete / edit any comments that are offensive , obscene or out of context.